Nostalgic First and Why It Is Going To Be Always Special

The first one is always going to be special, it seems.

I cannot help but feel extra nostalgic when our former lead engineer has shared the news that the Petronas Train 9 LNG Plant in Bintulu, Sarawak, Malaysia has already started production. I have been blessed enough to take part in the design and drawing preparations for the said project in the company where I previously worked.

Silly old me really have no idea where I would want my career path to lead back when I was still applying for that job. That was the time when I have so many doubts with myself and my self-esteem is really low. But with God's mysterious ways, I believe it is meant to happen, that I would get to work in this company and experience all kind of things. Technically, it wasn't my first job off of college (it is the second, actually) but it is the first in this field and it has opened all the doors and opportunities to learn and explore in the design field of civil engineering (because my previous job is in the construction/procurement). I am just grateful.

I still do not know where I want to be now, to be totally honest, which is why I admire those who did find their calling early on. I still cannot seem to know what my heart truly desires. (I just want to live, earn a bit, provide and learn from life, to put it briefly and vaguely.)

But going back, shifting from one field/industry to another made me realise where I really want to put my focus on, profession/career-wise: I want to learn more about steel structural design/ oil and gas industry and how these things work.

But the truth is, I have no idea what I was doing. Well, yes, I could recall a few engineering concepts here and there but I am "rusty" and a walking failure. There were days when you just want to give up because you cannot help but get frustrated when a supposed-to-be simple structure and procedures take you ages to actually finish. I kept making mistakes. I am pretty sure I'd let my team down and I am just a burden. I used to be the best in my glory days (in school when I was younger, but it can never really fully prepare you with what is out there, apparently), always giving my best but I cannot seem to accomplish things. I was internally pressuring myself to deliver. And that's when realised I was doomed.

I was lucky enough that God let me be surrounded with very understanding people and they never gave up on me and supported me in so many ways (whether they are aware or not). My professional family is very patient. My mentors has taught me a lot, guided me and I am pretty sure I will be keeping all the virtues that I learned from them until my last breath. Knowing that He still loves me despite all my shortcomings and struggles to get better has kept me going. 

And soon enough I learned to let go of the insecurities and accepted my faults and learned from my mistakes. I may still not be the best but I never gave up. I never waver. I just did what I can to contribute. I enjoyed every moment with the team and every working day is a learning experience, not only on the technical side but in life as a whole. 

Train 9 holds a special place in my heart and I am ever glad that I became a part of that team. Every overtime work that we have rendered seemed to be worth it, and it truly is, seeing the fruit of all (mostly theirs but semantics, eh?) of our hardwork now. The idea felt surreal (I am such a sap, but can you blaim me?) seeing your assigned area/item evolve (like a Pokémon. RIP English proficiency. I am lost for words.) from a Tekla Structures 3D model to a working STAAD file leading to a fully constructed structure and apparently has commenced with its production these days. It gave off a vibe of a proud mother seeing her baby for the first time, but ironically, the so-called baby is a mother of its kind (mother project) who's given birth to an individual whose vowed there and then to strive harder and never give up in life. Such a thing of beauty and balance. And it's for real.

The first one will always be special. It just is.

x

The article that my LE has shared can be accessed here. Cheers.