Of Work and Other Perspectives

Not to sound conceited or anything but I know for a fact (and my friends can attest to it) that I am generally a nice person.... but certainly a bitch if provoked. And yesterday I just... kind of snapped. At that moment it felt like everything is too much.

I tried to put myself on this person's shoes. I tried to give this person the benefit of the doubt. In my mind I was singing (though on a different connotation than the song) "Holding my breath until I know you're alright because the water will only rise. When will you realize you must become an island? And see for yourself that that's what I am." Okay, maybe not an island (nor I will ever be) but I always work on improving myself and not fully depend on others. 

Inasmuch as I wanted to help this person, one can only give so many assistance to someone who seemed like they are not interested in helping themselves. Even the nicest person will snap. Being the only one who is willing to adjust on the circumstances can also be sickening.  We cannot be spoon-fed all the time, can we? We are not students anymore. But we should never stop being learners in the bigger school called life. We are professionals and we should act... rather we should be one. At the same time, we need to learn that the world does not revolve around us and we need to be able to adapt (slowly as it may seem) and not expect everything to be handed out so easily. So when are we going to find the courage to go all out and work harder to achieve our goals? The world will not wait for us so we had to do something about it. Read and read. Ask sensible questions. Explore. Speak our minds out.

Does it feel good? At first, maybe. But my heart feels heavy as it went on. I actually felt bad for letting myself lose the chill that I have been working on maintaining for most of my young adult life. I wish I have been more patient and understanding. I wish I have considered all the other factors. But I knew for a fact that if I will not call this person out, no one will. And so I had to do it.

One can only tolerate ignorance and stupity at an extent and anything beyond the invisible boundary line is classified as unnecessary stress that one should get rid of given the chance. I am not saying that you should snap at any person who'd piss you off unintentionally but at some point you had to release it. Luckily for me, I have my family and friends who see behind the strong mask and know when to take charge. They may not always be aware of it (I may not be very vocal about it all the time) but every little deed (the listening heart and the spoken words) is of great help. I am grateful to God for using their lives to anchor me back and put some perspective in this already clouded mind. So they let me talk (rant) about it and then we went to shop and hang a bit. It definitely made me feel better. It may not change the fact that it was the worst that it has been in the almost two months of work but I was reminded to be more patient and understanding. And to focus on the goals instead.

The girl is back, battle-ready, with extra motivation and prayers of peace and clarity in her pockets.

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