Cut Me Some Slack

Apparently I have been on a blog break in the past month, having only one post for April despite having a couple of ideas to write. It wasn't much of a news that I took the board exam for the second time, hoping for a favorable result this time. Hence, I tried my best to stay away from the books, from the social networking sites, from work (yep, I'm jobless at the moment) and from other things in a span of three weeks.

This is probably the longest three weeks of my life.

And (surprisingly) eventful, too.

Ever felt like you wanted time to pass by real fast and yet you want to freeze it so you'll have more of your precious time? Confusing as it may seem, that is exactly how I've felt. I wanted to get done the exam so I can move forward to this new chapter in my life. I so want to all the studying shish to be over so I can find a new job, work again, and stop slacking. And yet at the back of my mind, there's this worrisome truth that three weeks of total (not really. Ha) preparation for the board may not be enough. I need to focus to get things done.

Now that the exam is over, I guess I'm back. It was (as expected) hard. But at least I didn't panic quite as much as the first time while taking it. Praying while doing your best at Divination helped a lot. Heh. Kidding aside, I want to stay positive and hope but not expect because I don't want to eliminate the element of surprise, in a way. See, I believe in His perfect time and if it so happens that this isn't it yet (I hope it is), well then move forward and try again. I'm glad to say that I'm blessed to have a family that's so supportive,
who's never added pressure more than what I have already given myself. They would tell me, this exam wouldn't make or break you and that we still believe in you, and we'll support you all the way. If there's this burden that I can't help but have everytime I was not able to achieve something I really wanted, it's that I hate to disappoint them, or anyone for that matter (except for myself because I couldn't care less about it, really. Things hardly ever disappoints me right now). But then again, there's this bountiful amount of love and it is coming from everywhere, from family and good friends and God and it is what's keep me going everytime. Anyway, most of the pain that we've been experiencing in this life, if not all of it, is self-inflicted. It won't hurt you, if you won't let it. You could always choose to be happy, if you will allow yourself to be. You could live normally, if you'll free yourself from the expectations of people who do nothing
but to make themselves look great by bringing other people down. It isn't always going to be easy but then again, what is? Pretentious, some might argue, but no. If Jesus dying on the Cross for our sins knowing that He is God and could do things even without the Earthly pain isn't convincing enough, then I don't know what is. Honestly, that's how it is. Or rather that's how I see life is. And I'll leave it with that.

What's so good in this glorious three weeks, my birthday week included, is that I was able to spend time with my family, mostly my cousins. It was the fugging best! We would go on trekking (not really, but long walks on rice fields and fish ponds everywhere. Gotta love the province.); watch ball games be it on the TV or on the live venue together; eat together (oh dang it, I realised I haven't kept track on the extra pounds that I have gotten over my staycation); watch movies over and over. Overall, it is this piece of heaven on Earth that a working girl could ever wish for. And I couldn't thank God enough for the opportunity.

I believe we all needed that kind of break in a while where we can just lie down, re-assess our lives... Are we happy with our current situation? Are we able to achieve certain growth, career-wise and maturity level-wise?

Then you'll be a slacker no more. And you move forward.

PS: Since I'm back, I have actually drafted a few blogposts for May and will be posting the others in a few (so much for being back). There's a long list of books that I'm to ravish and read and I couldn't wait to get a hand on all of it and flood my Goodreads dash with updates. I still have an article to write and finish for our
magazine's second ish (yes, I agreed to be a staff for my friend's mag. It is one of those hobbies that I really enjoy -- writing, that is. If, er, this long blog isn't much of a proof), and hope not to cause too much delay for Mischa and the girls. I had an interview last week with this company and will be scheduled for some next week and soon enough I'll get to work again. Try new things, explore, learn some more.

Should be great. ;-)