I can't remember feeling heavy with emotions until last Monday when I was deciding (probably even over-thinking)  over some important stuff that will make a vast change in my life in the next few years. The storm in my mind and heart has already passed though it still has some drizzles in there but I can manage it better now and going back, it felt liberating and satisfying.

I believe God has a way of showing His love and support to us and I don't know, maybe at that time he's used this awesome band dude to relay His message to me.

Joseph Thunder of The Cab (one of my favourite bassists aside from Urbandub's Lalay Lim) has been active on a social networking site called Twitter and I am well aware how he can be really kind, replying to tweet messages and all and maybe because of my overflowing emotions due to the stressful long day, I had the courage to message him. Well I have tweeted him and other artists before, messaged them random things, but it was the first time to ask something rather personal.

I am in between of hoping and not hoping for an answer. What happened next, though is completely not what I ever imagined that would happen. Blackberry notifications has been a pain in the arse, too that night that I didn't see it right away. And I can't believe my own eyes when I read:

"No, all you need is to little your fears and enjoy what you are able to; Change and work towards self happiness. #ibelieveinu"

I didn't expect to get such response from the man.  It has caught me off guard that he did get to see the message despite a number of mentions that he usually get, and because I have actually already deleted my initial message saying "Needing a word of encouragement from you now :(" because I just felt like it's too much to ask. I mean, yes I am feeling so down that night, but it's not like he has to care or something. I know being a fan has its limitations. He barely even know me. He obviously isn't having enough sleep (or so he's said on his previous tweets). Those kind of stuff were in my head.

What's even surprised me was when I sent my thank you reply to that inspiring message to which he's answered:

"I'm here with open ears and eyes when needed."

I felt like crying just then.

What the heck is going on with the world?? I just can't believe it. Maybe it is something one dis say to make the other person feel better, or maybe he's being too nice or he's being stressed out too that he could relate to my misery that night (morning in theirs)....? I'm running out of reasons and I guess this is a case of letting things be the way it is.

And. It's not even kilig (how does one translate this in english? Uhm.. Fangirl feels, is it?) that I'm feeling anymore but total respect to the guy.

I remember reading an interview/article about how much of a responsibility (whether they like it or not) is being given to a public person; of how  huge the power of every action, every word spoken were. For even the small acts of shaking hands, the hugs... You can make one's day. For every little "Hi" and "Hello", even a smiley/emoji reply can be a continuous torture to their friends because it's like months and years would pass and they are never going to hear the end of it and it's totally fun. Who wouldn't want to get recognize by the people they look up to, right? One should realise that there has to be a thin line between the idols' personal lives and public lives, though. But yeah, a fan can dream.

To the artists, it maybe just words, but to the supporters, it is a kind of advice that'll get you through the darkest times of your lives. I am way thankful that I chose to support someone whose utilizing such power. Joey ain't a superhero but in the hearts of the people that he's touched for being his random self, he's special.

I am not sharing this to brag or anything. I am doing this because it meant something to me and he's helped me get over (kind of) from that "down" moment that night; that it has made me realise a couple of things and I hope that whoever gets to read this could see what I am trying to mean.

Now I have made that life-changing decision that's been bothering me in the past days/weeks and it felt... glorious. I can't elaborate but I am working on it and I can honestly say that I am on my way to that self happiness that Joey's mentioned. Slowly and surely.

As for being a fan, I vowed to support this man through thick and thin. He's inspired me through a lot of ways maybe he is not even aware of (if he's to read this then he'd know lol). He is a constant reminder to pursue things that would make us happy, things that would take us to a world that is completely ours (in his case as I have observed apart from touring/playing bass was when he's onto his sketching and stuff, things that apparently he enjoys the most); I believe he's going to be a great family man someday for he's surrounded by great people: the ever supportive and groovy family, and a very loving girlfriend (I personally think that they are meant to be together because they bring out the best in each other) and best friends; I admire how he can be nerdy with thangs (comics and gaming), be an arse lol, goof around, be a wise adviser, a loving best friend (Salt and Pepper forever.) ... be himself anytime and anywhere. He made me realize that we don't have to try to look too good, to always speak the best words, to try to impress people... we just got to be ourselves. And with that he's got my full respect.

I haven't gotten the chance to meet him yet but I'd thank him personally if I can (that's if they ever come back to Manila) and I vow to support him (The Cab and his other causes) because he deserved it.


PS: Song that's on repeat as of this post is Love At First Sight by The Brobecks just because. Yaseewhatididinthere? Laters!

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

I admire S.C. Stephens for coming up with a character that is so well-characterized he seemed real. Maybe it is Keira's constant adoration of his features, or just the fact that band dudes are so dear to my heart and music is one of my favourite things in the world that has made Kellan Kyle (and the whole series) likeable. It has been mentioned on my previous posts that I have issues regarding this series because of its genre, and it is the first of its kind that I have read but perhaps it has made me grow up. A bit. And has helped me (kind of) understand a couple of things. Uh.. Personal, "sexual" things.

I am forever curious about the behind-the-scenes of touring, the bands involved and the loved ones that they have (temporarily) left because it is what their job entails and it delighted me that this book has offered as much from the small gigs to the tour line up and backstage actions. That is just rad.

It has introduced me to this love that is flawed but was tested by life and all its crap making it strong with full trust on both parties.

Kellan Kyle, to me, is one of the best book boyfriends that has ever been introduced to life. I may not have an actual boyfriend with him setting this high standard. (Hahahaha nah, I believe I'll get to meet my very own version of Kellan Kyle in time.) He's just too sweet and loyal.. and hot.. and caring. Just the ideal mix of the fun, wit, talent (music), good and bad.

I'm not going to lie, I hated Keira Allen for most of the times circa Thoughtless. But the character has matured throughout the book and she became a really fine, understanding woman. A caring sister. A supportive lover. Someone our Kellan deserved to have.

Lastly, I may be a sucker for happy endings. Inasmuch as tragic endings and twists put me in awe, it warms my heart to know that despite everything that has happened, everything will eventually fall into its right places. And everyone will live happily, as we all (some secretly) wish to be. Who doesn't want to achieve the ultimate happiness, yes? Admit it, we want that happiness. We need it, we yearn for it. We continuously search for it... in any media or form; in material stuff; from people; from the attention those people could give us. Most of the times we are never satisfied which makes us human as human can be. We may not know where the search will lead us and when but yes, it will definitely happen when it is due: with the right people, the right time and place. Dang I sounded sappy and cliche-ish on that one but that's the truth.

And Keira has found it with Kellan. (Lucky biatch haha. Kidding. I love those two. Forever shipping KK.)

To end this may I quote (and hope not to spoil) S.C. Stephens, summing up the whole Thoughtless series and life in general..

"Passion, friendship, love, loyalty, trust... if you found the right person.. you really could have it all."

Happy reading!